Why living complicated life?

I am sending this message to someone. I don’t know whether or not he realizes that this post belongs to him, or when will he read my tumblr, however, I feel I still need to make this post for him.

I know he’s been having this complicated thought and he’s also a complicated person. I, my self, has been very complicated since I went to start doing my skripsi, (my thesis supervisor told me so). I can’t imagine if there’s someone that is more complicated than me, how can he bear life like that? Or how can someone manage to understand him and his thoughts? Although, I know to some extent he does not want to be understood, or did he change his mind now? I dont know either.

Well, read this:

Missing somebody? Call

Wanna meet up? Invite

Wanna be understood? Explain

Have question? Ask

Don’t like something? Say it

Like something? State it

Want something? Ask for it

Love someone? Tell it

He may not agree with those words. He probably will tell me: not everything is as easy as you thought. Well, just remember this dear, “You think therefore you are.”

Things

It’s been a while I neither post nor reblog anything for my tumblr. It’s not that I find tumblr boring, but I recently am struggling for finishing my skripsi. Gratefully, it is well done, and I am about to attend my last battle next week. Wish me luck everyone!! :) :)

If someone cares to know how’s my love life, #like there is someone cares, haha whatever, well.. I also struggled to get over someone whom I was so into. But now, I think I’m fine and I appreciate time who brought me into this stage, when I don’t feel anything anymore about him, like it’s so fine to see him with anyone he’s into.

The point is, I want to look forward for chances ahead of my graduation, including if I must go out from Bandung and move to Jakarta, or may be to Europe for my master. I used to love Bandung so badly, but now, I think it contains many of my good as well as well my bad memories. I believe every place has it all, but I think, thanks to that bad memories, now I don’t feel too sad if I must leave this city like very soon. While in regard to my good memories, I’ll just hear my Yiruma’s playlist, to remind me, that I once had that good memories, when all I think about is my study and my friends. My life back then was so balance. I was in my comfort zone.

Well, I realize three words about life is: it goes on. Thus, I am ready to keep moving on, and may be, once for a while, I wanna visit the past. However, past is a nice place to visit, but certainly not a good place to stay. That, I want to bear in my mind.

Forget, but remember.

Forget the times he walked by, forget the times he made you cry,

Forget the times he spoke your name, remember now you’re not the same.

Forget the times he held your hand, forget the sweet things if you can.

Forget the times and don’t pretend, remember now he’s just your friend.

Choices

You can shed tears that he is gone,

or you can smile because he has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that he’ll come back,

or you can open eyes and see all he’s left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him,

or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him only that he’s gone,

or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty, and turn your back,

or you can do what he’d want:

smile, open your eyes, love, and go on.

Choices

So, I am now in a very state of confused. I long to know that to some extent, the paths I’ve taken, is undeniably sort of ikut2an. I entered Unpar because two of my seniors in Debating Society also enrolled as Unpar student majoring in IR. Then both of them joined Harvard Model UN, PNMHII, bla bla bla and currently are in Europe for the master and fellowship program. Also another senior was a student at UPH, majoring in international law, worked as law consultant at Asegaf, and now continuing her study at Utrecht. Then my ex high school classmate is now in UK, enrolled as master’s student at freaking LEEDS UNIVERSITY, the university where my thesis supervisor graduated from.

How am I not dying to follow their steps as well? But then I don’t know is this what I really want to do or is this just because again and again just ‘ikut2an’? My main goal is actually being a business woman, but it’s my long term goal. I realize that I need to learn more and more, plus I still want to explore the world, traveling here and there, get lost, meet strangers etc. Furthermore, I am a woman, which, I also have to admit that I must settle my self with marriage thingy (damn, it’s so close to fucking 27). I can’t waste my time if I am still passionate about my master.

Thus, one step closer to my application submission is to take IELTS test. I’ve been working on for this test like almost a month, yet my listening and reading skills haven’t been improved as I expected to. Tricia and Norma took IELTS test and they got like freaking 8 out of 9.

Therefore, what my next path is going to be? It’ll rest on my IELTS test. If I am decided to take my master exactly after my bachelor study, then my IELTS test will be at least 7. If it is not, then I will work and wait.

I’m so curious.

Its not about whose right, or whose wrong

Its not about whose weaker, or whose strong

Its not about whose innocent, or whose fault

It aint really about that kind of thing at all

Its not about who does it, who done it, or did it to who

Don’t matter if the both of you lose

its really not about nothing, except for me and you.

If you’re too busy to call me, I’ll understand.

If you don’t have time to check on me, I’ll understand.

If you’re late on our date, I’ll understand.

But if I STOP loving you, it’s YOUR turn to understand.

Random .. after bbm-ed you

Despite we agreed that bbm doesn’t means everything, despite I told you no matter how simple my bbm reply has always been to you but when you needed me I’ll be right beside you rather than anyone could do, despite yes I have calmed down my self, don’t you think you need to spare me life for breathing and bringing everything back right on track?

I don’t care how bad you’ll treat me at the time being, since I’m gonna leave next year, and I’m gonna make the most of our last 6 months.